Sick of it all

Really, I'm quite sick of all of this. It would have been so much better had I been allowed to just write you off as a horrible mistake and walk away. But life got in the way making it impossible for me to do just that, and for that you have the gall to be angry with me. As if somehow that's all my fault. You're the one who left me holding the bag. Quite literally, in the case of all of your belongings, which sure, I would have had every right in the world to just throw away. But no, instead I delivered it all for you. And you're mad about me turning off the phone that was under my name that you made clear you wouldn't be paying for. And mad about me wanting people to know the truth (Gasp! Not the truth!!). And mad about me "stealing" the money that you owed me from you, much in the same manner as you had much more accurately stolen a great deal more from me. And mad about other people's behavior, when I'm actually the one who called a stop to it. I'm sure I've missed a great number of other things that you're mad at me about, but really, you have about as much a right to be mad at me as I have to forgive you.

Is this really the "real" you? If so, then you were absolutely correct when you said that I would have left you had you allowed yourself to be the "real" you around me. You really had me fooled there, and for that I am so ashamed. The "real" you is selfish, cruel, and completely devoid of compassion. You're a coward who blames other people for your own failures rather than being a man and taking responsibility. You lie to yourself so you can sleep at night with your own conscience, and you spread those lies like a disease. You lie to your friends and to your own family so you can continue to take advantage of them. And watching you from this perspective, I am astounded that I never saw through your lies before. But even when your lies make no logical sense, they get gobbled up and swallowed down by even the people who should know better. I'd like nothing better than to open up the book and start revealing all of your lies, but you'd just tell more to cover them up anyway. And I'd hate to give you something legitimate to be angry at me about.

But this fight between us is finally over now, and it really is for the best. A cancer patient doesn't grieve the loss of a tumor, and neither will I. And don't think for one second that down the road you can darken my door to tell me how this was all just "dark days" for you. You've never had any apologies for the pain you've cause before, and I will not dare to hope that you ever will.