I've moved

The primary blog has been moved to my MySpace page. If you know me, you probably already know this. =)

I'll still post the random post over here, so if you're subscribed, you'll know. But just in case you were wondering about the chirping of crickets over here.

Got me thinkin'

You know, it just figures that I would be the kind of person who would listen to someone else's sadness about being single and decide emphatically that I want to continue to be alone. I might be a bad friend to the single girls these days. But, it really is true, I have too much to do that I'm afraid I won't be able to do with someone else in my life. I've earned this me time, and I plan on making the most out of it that I can before someone else turns up that I go all stupid for. And, if it kills me, I'm going to cram in as much as I possibly can just in case that person turns up closer to today than to 20 years from now.

My funeral/or moving forces

I am a nomadic soul. I have never claimed to be anything to the contrary. This is just who I am. I may force myself into some semblance of stability by staying places that I would otherwise leave, but my heart wants to keep on the move. As a result, I'm not someone who makes a lot of strong ties wherever I end up. I know I'm just going to pick up and leave some day, so I don't invest a lot of myself in forging deep friendships. Lots and lots of acquaintances, and I'm forever surrounded by people I really do care a great deal for, but I always keep my distance somewhat (this is also the reason why many people think I'm a snob, but who cares?).
I'm completely alright with this arrangement, as it has always suited me just fine. But the sole thing that sometimes slivers into my mind is that with no strong ties, who is going to show up at my funeral? Hell, with so many of the people I know being such fairweather friends, how many people would even know if I died? It's sort of a depressing thought, but really, in this scenario, I'd be dead anyway so what do I care?
But there's one thing that happens to me no matter where I live, and I always see it as my sign that it must be time to go. At some point, all of those acquaintances become true friendships - warts and all. I don't know what causes this to happen when I'm such an avoider, but happen it does. And it always happens shortly before I move away just like it's happened again now. If I died today, my funeral would turn into the second biggest party in town. Like I said, I don't know how this happens to someone like me. But I just roll with it knowing that my departure from these parts is surely eminent. And I just hope that when I do die, it's shortly before I leave a town so lots of people will show up for the funeral. =)

Sp'angin bones

Love is a battlefield

Damn my sister! I subscribe to the blog that she and her husband write, and they had a new post up today. Last weekend was their one year wedding anniversary, and to memorialize the occasion, they took a trip down memory lane remembering and sharing all of the events from the weekend of their wedding last April. Their blog was littered with pictures and memories reliving the entire weekend. And I know that I should look back on that weekend and be glad, but it just gives me this big empty feeling inside.

That entire weekend and the week that followed was a positively magical time for Johnny and me while we visited Seattle. And remembering all the joy I felt then only serves to remind me of the big hole in my heart. It's so much easier to think only with my short-term memory and tell myself that I hate him, but then I'm reminded of all the years before that. It almost makes me hate him more for having taken away from me something that was so incredibly beautiful. Despite everything that came after, I really did love him, and probably will until the day I die. And I would sell my soul to be able to go back in time and relive those years that were so amazing.

I'll live. I just don't want to hear anyone tell me how great love is, thanks. I already know. Don't remind me.

Today's horoscope

I love reading my horoscope every day:

"With sweet Venus back in your sign until May 8, you can be even more charming than usual. You must, however, be careful, for with the Moon in rebellious Aquarius, you might be tempted to ignore the rules of the road. Go ahead and engage in whatever lighthearted fun sounds good to you, but don't overstep anyone's boundaries or you might find yourself on the outside of your group of friends." Wednesday, April 11, 2007

For one thing, how could it even be possible for me to be more charming that usual? =P Not that it will do me any good today to be so charming seeing as I won't be around anyone except my co-workers and then tonight with my textbooks. No matter.
And that second bit about ignoring the rules of the road? Wait, there are rules? Shit.
In any case, I've found myself on the outside of my group of friends once already recently. It may not have been particularly pleasant, but I was still OK. I just kept on keepin' on and everything ended up working out OK in the end. Actually, probably better than OK now - there's nothing like a big shake up to cull the herd. =)
But I think I'll skip that bit about engaging in "whatever lighthearted fun sounds good", because the only fun that sounds good to me this evening is a big party (why on a Wednesday I will never understand) which will involve lots of drugs, alcohol, and dancing. None of which I have any business being anywhere near when I have a paper to write and a very long day ahead of me tomorrow.

Confused

I can't breathe for all the mixed signals the universe is throwing at me.

I take the left turn at Albuquerque only to spy shiny objects twinkling back at me from where I came.

I can't go back but I can't go forward.

Instead I go in circles in circles in circles in circles in circles in circles.

Just tell me what you fucking want!!
Give me a hint!
A clue!
Fucking smoke signals!
Something!

Which damn direction am I supposed to be headed in?

Are you coming with me or not?

Damnable pixies always confusing my head.
I want none of it!
I want all of it!

Watch the knife if you know what's good for you.

I'll kiss it make it better but it'll cost you maybe more than you are prepared to pay.

Wait for the dust to settle.

Wait for the dusk to settle.

Then we'll know.
We'll know the score.
The price of tea.
The sum of one and one.

How to confuse the pixies.