OK, this is driving me batty. I mentioned this guy before, but I will elaborate because I really need to get it out of my system before I explode.
Before Christmas I met this guy at a party hosted by my friend Kathy. I honestly thought he was gay for most of the evening (might have been the blonde wig that threw me off) but later realized he wasn't. Anyway, he seemed nice enough and I was at that point thinking that launching myself back into the saddle was what I needed, so I took it and ran with it.
After the holidays we went out for coffee. It was a nice enough time, and having a conversation with a Harvardian felt like a vast improvement in my life. We talked about everything from poetry to real estate to poverty to physics and everything in between. We also talked about googling people which he found morally objectionable, and gave good arguments to that end (little did I realize). Later, he received a "call from a friend" and let me know that this "friend" was coming over to his place in a little bit to hang out over wine. Did I want to come? I said yes. But, of course, said "friend" never showed. However, his nerdy roommate was home with whom I probably had more fun chatting with than my date. But that says less about his roommate than the fact that my date kept sprinkling the word "love" into the conversation, which sort of freaked me out, but I didn't figure I would give him the boot just yet. Back in the saddle, and all that shit.
But after that evening, I kept receiving sweet nothing text messages, and during one short conversation on the phone together, he told me how much he missed me about a half a dozen times. Fortunately for me, this was about the time that I was coming to terms with the fact that I don't have the time to deal with being in the saddle. So, I tried to let him down gracefully and then carried on with my life. Unfortunately, letting people down gently doesn't always get the result you're after and I continued to receive texts and emails and phone messages, which at the time it seemed most prudent to ignore. Then I get this long email listing out all of the attempts to reach me and groveling for forgiveness for whatever he had done to offend me. Waah, waah, waah! So, I pulled out the big guns this time and said fairly bluntly "Not interested".
One would think that sort of response would close the matter. But sadly, it turned into sniveling torment over the loss of his very dear new friend. Let me repeat something here: we met at a party and went out one other time - no long heartfelt emails or phone calls in there, just how do. By now I'm starting to get pretty icky vibes, and I thought back to our previous conversation about googling, and decided to see if there was something hiding in his closet. Well, as it turns out, he had been kicked out of a former college for sneaking into women's dorms and masturbating on them while they slept. (!!!!!!!!) All I can think is thank god he doesn't know my address!! And then, after a couple of weeks without any further response from me he sends me a "Happy Valentine's Day, my dear" text message. And last night he left a voicemail to tell me his wonderful news about getting some of his poetry published! I'm sorry, but don't you think that when you get good news like that the first person you would tell would be your friends, family, maybe co-workers and not the girl you have hung out with twice who won't have anything to do with you?
Oh my sweet lord. When did this happen to me? I have never NEVER been the girl who ended up with assholes or creepshows, and yet here I am. Somebody broke my radar, and now I'm pissed!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
It's been a week since my last confession...
Life is interesting, isn't it? Well, at least to me.
Last Wednesday I had my first class in Employment Law, which I was really freaked out about. I am not a lawyer. I have no interest in becoming a lawyer. I cannot recall the names of case studies or legislations that I have been taught. But, as it turns out, I actually have more of that legal information in my brain than I thought. After that first class I realized that I am so far ahead of the game here it shouldn't be allowed. I pretty much just have to show up for the final to ace this class. But I'll still do all the reading and show up every week just to keep in the habit of being a good student. But it sure feels good to know that I don't have to break my back over this one.
And, I think I aced my Management class as well. The final was rescheduled for last Friday, but I wasn't too worried about doing well on the final. OK, maybe a little worried. What I was most worried about was getting our final research papers back and finding out what grade I got on it. This is the research paper I told you about before about the South African power company. Well, after I wrote it, I looked back at the syllabus and saw that I had missed a line in the instructions which said the paper was to be written on a "US public company". Oops. So, I hurried to rewrite my paper on another article I had found, but quite frankly, even if I had had more time to write it, it still wouldn't ever compare to the first one. So, being cocky, I handed it in and let him know that I was fully aware that I hadn't followed the directions correctly, but that I was confident enough in my grades thus far that I would risk the lower grade on this one because I was really proud of it. So imagine my delight when I pick it up the night of the final and on the top it had a perfect grade and the comment "Great article! Well written report!". Sweet!! And this guy doesn't generally write positive comments on students' papers. Yeah. I'm a rock star. Oh, and I think I aced the final too, but the grades still haven't been posted.
So, after the final I met up with Mike for another poker night with some of his buddies that I've played with before. Now, Mike's nickname in that group is Chachi, which means that I have been dubbed Joanie. And I was flattered that someone made sure to ask Mike if he would be bringing Poker Joanie with him again. I was even more flattered that they were willing to hand over their money to me that night. =) I played better than I've played in a while (and far better than Mike did), and was actually a little disappointed that we were playing tournament style because I could have walked out of there with quite a bit more money had I been able to just cash out. But by about 3 am I sort of crumbled just so I could go home. When you've been up for 21 hours straight going to work and taking a final exam, there's only so much your brain can handle and I knew it would be a long drive back from Billerica to my car which was parked in Arlington, and then the rest of the way home.
So, sleepy as I was from the short night's rest, Saturday I headed to the Framingham Premium Cinema for the Best Picture Nominee Showcase. No one ended up coming with me, so sadly, my other tickets went to waste. (How dare my friends have lives and rehearsals and jobs at the last minute?!). But I sort of enjoy going to movies by myself. Never done it for 12 hours straight before, but with those ridiculously comfy seats, I can't say that I minded. And it was so fun. Got there at about 10:30 to trays of bagels, pastries, and fruit, and coffee and juice. Started with Babel, which was sort of a depressing way to start the day, but we had our host, Anthony, to perk us up with some trivia and general absurdity during the breaks. Then came The Queen, some lunch, The Departed, some hors d'oeuvres, Letters From Iwo Jima, dinner, and Little Miss Sunshine. All of this, minus the lunch that I skipped and the dinner buffet which was delicious, but including all the popcorn and soda and coffee we could handle was 30 bucks. Dude. All of us there have collectively started a movement to do this again. We were informally voting amongst ourselves what we should push for - I think we've decided to "encourage" them to do a Godfather marathon. I'll let you know when we've finally persuaded them. =)
And on Sunday, she rested. Well, sort of. While watching a repeat of the 2005 WSOP with one eye, I was also catching up on my reading for the Law class and also working on my stand-up material. At one point, I got so frustrated that I chucked all of the stand-up material that I had been working on a started from scratch. Um, bad idea. By the time I finally got myself back to the original material, I had wasted a lot of time chasing rabbits. Fortunately, I managed to pull one of those rabbits out of my hat at Monday night's class, and totally rocked the room. But, because I lost so much time on it, I don't have it all memorized yet - although even that seemed to work to my advantage because standing there with my notebook in hand forced my timing, and the punches ended up coming out better than they would have had I gone through it at my usual pace. Go figure. But last night was the last class with this group. I'm taking the next series which starts next Monday just to keep it all moving between now and the show on April 2, and it hasn't yet been decided if anyone else from this class is going to be taking the next one. I hope at least one or two will just so I have someone there who already knows where my material has been. But we'll see.
And now it's Tuesday. Tonight is my rescheduled night with Liz and the Gilmore Girls, which means it's my one night that I get to watch TV and just chill out. Always a pleasure. But since she's coming over tonight, that may mean I'm free on Thursday night to get a jump on my 3-day weekend and get out of town again a little earlier than usual. We'll see. I was thinking that being Lent, it might be a nice time to go down to New Orleans by myself. It's not the safest place in the world for a woman alone to spend a weekend, but it's probably relatively quiet for the next week or so.
Oh, and I proudly have done all of the price comparisons for our flights to Australia and Japan, which I'm hoping Dad will purchase this week because come Thursday I will officially have the money to just write him a check for both airfare and the grand he loaned me when Johnny first moved out. How good does it feel to say that you can write a $5k check by the end of the week, huh? And it will be nice to have that taken care of so I don't have to be counting my pennies to save up for it. And I haven't even received my year end bonus yet, so that will pretty much be mine all mine. =)
Pieces!
Last Wednesday I had my first class in Employment Law, which I was really freaked out about. I am not a lawyer. I have no interest in becoming a lawyer. I cannot recall the names of case studies or legislations that I have been taught. But, as it turns out, I actually have more of that legal information in my brain than I thought. After that first class I realized that I am so far ahead of the game here it shouldn't be allowed. I pretty much just have to show up for the final to ace this class. But I'll still do all the reading and show up every week just to keep in the habit of being a good student. But it sure feels good to know that I don't have to break my back over this one.
And, I think I aced my Management class as well. The final was rescheduled for last Friday, but I wasn't too worried about doing well on the final. OK, maybe a little worried. What I was most worried about was getting our final research papers back and finding out what grade I got on it. This is the research paper I told you about before about the South African power company. Well, after I wrote it, I looked back at the syllabus and saw that I had missed a line in the instructions which said the paper was to be written on a "US public company". Oops. So, I hurried to rewrite my paper on another article I had found, but quite frankly, even if I had had more time to write it, it still wouldn't ever compare to the first one. So, being cocky, I handed it in and let him know that I was fully aware that I hadn't followed the directions correctly, but that I was confident enough in my grades thus far that I would risk the lower grade on this one because I was really proud of it. So imagine my delight when I pick it up the night of the final and on the top it had a perfect grade and the comment "Great article! Well written report!". Sweet!! And this guy doesn't generally write positive comments on students' papers. Yeah. I'm a rock star. Oh, and I think I aced the final too, but the grades still haven't been posted.
So, after the final I met up with Mike for another poker night with some of his buddies that I've played with before. Now, Mike's nickname in that group is Chachi, which means that I have been dubbed Joanie. And I was flattered that someone made sure to ask Mike if he would be bringing Poker Joanie with him again. I was even more flattered that they were willing to hand over their money to me that night. =) I played better than I've played in a while (and far better than Mike did), and was actually a little disappointed that we were playing tournament style because I could have walked out of there with quite a bit more money had I been able to just cash out. But by about 3 am I sort of crumbled just so I could go home. When you've been up for 21 hours straight going to work and taking a final exam, there's only so much your brain can handle and I knew it would be a long drive back from Billerica to my car which was parked in Arlington, and then the rest of the way home.
So, sleepy as I was from the short night's rest, Saturday I headed to the Framingham Premium Cinema for the Best Picture Nominee Showcase. No one ended up coming with me, so sadly, my other tickets went to waste. (How dare my friends have lives and rehearsals and jobs at the last minute?!). But I sort of enjoy going to movies by myself. Never done it for 12 hours straight before, but with those ridiculously comfy seats, I can't say that I minded. And it was so fun. Got there at about 10:30 to trays of bagels, pastries, and fruit, and coffee and juice. Started with Babel, which was sort of a depressing way to start the day, but we had our host, Anthony, to perk us up with some trivia and general absurdity during the breaks. Then came The Queen, some lunch, The Departed, some hors d'oeuvres, Letters From Iwo Jima, dinner, and Little Miss Sunshine. All of this, minus the lunch that I skipped and the dinner buffet which was delicious, but including all the popcorn and soda and coffee we could handle was 30 bucks. Dude. All of us there have collectively started a movement to do this again. We were informally voting amongst ourselves what we should push for - I think we've decided to "encourage" them to do a Godfather marathon. I'll let you know when we've finally persuaded them. =)
And on Sunday, she rested. Well, sort of. While watching a repeat of the 2005 WSOP with one eye, I was also catching up on my reading for the Law class and also working on my stand-up material. At one point, I got so frustrated that I chucked all of the stand-up material that I had been working on a started from scratch. Um, bad idea. By the time I finally got myself back to the original material, I had wasted a lot of time chasing rabbits. Fortunately, I managed to pull one of those rabbits out of my hat at Monday night's class, and totally rocked the room. But, because I lost so much time on it, I don't have it all memorized yet - although even that seemed to work to my advantage because standing there with my notebook in hand forced my timing, and the punches ended up coming out better than they would have had I gone through it at my usual pace. Go figure. But last night was the last class with this group. I'm taking the next series which starts next Monday just to keep it all moving between now and the show on April 2, and it hasn't yet been decided if anyone else from this class is going to be taking the next one. I hope at least one or two will just so I have someone there who already knows where my material has been. But we'll see.
And now it's Tuesday. Tonight is my rescheduled night with Liz and the Gilmore Girls, which means it's my one night that I get to watch TV and just chill out. Always a pleasure. But since she's coming over tonight, that may mean I'm free on Thursday night to get a jump on my 3-day weekend and get out of town again a little earlier than usual. We'll see. I was thinking that being Lent, it might be a nice time to go down to New Orleans by myself. It's not the safest place in the world for a woman alone to spend a weekend, but it's probably relatively quiet for the next week or so.
Oh, and I proudly have done all of the price comparisons for our flights to Australia and Japan, which I'm hoping Dad will purchase this week because come Thursday I will officially have the money to just write him a check for both airfare and the grand he loaned me when Johnny first moved out. How good does it feel to say that you can write a $5k check by the end of the week, huh? And it will be nice to have that taken care of so I don't have to be counting my pennies to save up for it. And I haven't even received my year end bonus yet, so that will pretty much be mine all mine. =)
Pieces!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Quote of the day
Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry. - Calvin Trillin
That's the quote of the day that appeared on my Google homepage today. I just had to share. =)
That's the quote of the day that appeared on my Google homepage today. I just had to share. =)
Monday, February 19, 2007
What is wrong with me??!!?
So, I'm in J-Flava's computer room at his and Sarah's apartment in NYC and it's quarter to 10 in the morning. I've been up for two hours now. This fact troubles me because Flava and I went to see Money Mike and his girlfriend Laura last night and I had a bottle of wine plus a couple of beers. I should be hungover and still sleeping right now. Instead, I'm wide awake with a cup of tea and some web surfing. This is not right. NYC is where I come for the really good I've-been-drinking-until-they-kicked-me-out-at-4-am hangovers. That's half the reason I come down. I'm supposed to be half delusional on my drive back to Boston. But no. Clear headed as can be. That's just not right. Let me repeat. An ENTIRE bottle of wine plus a couple of beers. I specifically don't drink often just to make sure I can still afford to get drunk. This sucks. And I'm seriously thinking about tracking down a survey to do while Flava is still sleeping...
In other news, we watched The Devil and Daniel Johnston last night. Good documentary, but christ that man is a train wreck. And the really disturbing part of watching this with all his psychotic insanity (the man stole the keys out of the ignition of his dad's plane MID-FLIGHT and chucked 'em out the window then thought he had done something to be proud of) is that I honestly think I know several people who would watch this and wish they could be just like him. OK, for one, his musical "genius" never got him very far and the people who actually enjoy listening to him perform his own songs ought to be shot in the face. His songwriting is killer, but damn is he a complete hack on both vocals and guitar (actually, his guitar playing really reminds me of Chestnut's and Squall's...yikes). And for another, being insane due to either genetics or substances does not give you a free pass to "genius". So any of you out there who think that you'll get to join your idols if you go completely off your rocker in one way or another, you've only got about a one in a gazillion chance that it's going to aid your talent in any way, but about a 99 in 100 chance of completely alienating or harming those closest to you. That being said, go rent the movie. It's fascinating. And then go listen to all of the actually talented musicians covering his songs. That's when his genius really shines.
But, just to continue the train wreck viewings, when the DVD ended the cable was on VH1 and it was just one train wreck after another that we couldn't tear our eyes from. I feel like I've been living in a cave or something because I had no idea that these shows and people even existed. Some Surreal Life game show, Hogan Knows Best (WTF?), and Shooting Sizemore. I've been out of touch long enough that I had no idea that Tom Sizemore had vanished from the public eye. But what I saw of his little documentary TV show was actually pretty fascinating. There was this amazing moment when he's talking about working with Michael Mann and he admits that his addictions really fucked over Mann for whom he has boundless respect and admiration both as an artist and a friend, and as he's talking he gets so overcome realizing the damage he's caused that he just walks away from the camera and sits where the camera can't catch him crying. Rough.
Oh, and aside from watching train wrecks in all their glory, there was also Ninja Burger. Go buy this game. I was so sucked into it that I was dreaming about being a ninja delivering hamburgers last night. You do have to have a functioning brain to play it, but I'm fairly certain that everyone who reads this is covered. Enjoy.
OK, time to wake up the J so I can get some more NYC goodness in before I have to head home. I just wish I had been able to work in some BrewSkeeBall....
In other news, we watched The Devil and Daniel Johnston last night. Good documentary, but christ that man is a train wreck. And the really disturbing part of watching this with all his psychotic insanity (the man stole the keys out of the ignition of his dad's plane MID-FLIGHT and chucked 'em out the window then thought he had done something to be proud of) is that I honestly think I know several people who would watch this and wish they could be just like him. OK, for one, his musical "genius" never got him very far and the people who actually enjoy listening to him perform his own songs ought to be shot in the face. His songwriting is killer, but damn is he a complete hack on both vocals and guitar (actually, his guitar playing really reminds me of Chestnut's and Squall's...yikes). And for another, being insane due to either genetics or substances does not give you a free pass to "genius". So any of you out there who think that you'll get to join your idols if you go completely off your rocker in one way or another, you've only got about a one in a gazillion chance that it's going to aid your talent in any way, but about a 99 in 100 chance of completely alienating or harming those closest to you. That being said, go rent the movie. It's fascinating. And then go listen to all of the actually talented musicians covering his songs. That's when his genius really shines.
But, just to continue the train wreck viewings, when the DVD ended the cable was on VH1 and it was just one train wreck after another that we couldn't tear our eyes from. I feel like I've been living in a cave or something because I had no idea that these shows and people even existed. Some Surreal Life game show, Hogan Knows Best (WTF?), and Shooting Sizemore. I've been out of touch long enough that I had no idea that Tom Sizemore had vanished from the public eye. But what I saw of his little documentary TV show was actually pretty fascinating. There was this amazing moment when he's talking about working with Michael Mann and he admits that his addictions really fucked over Mann for whom he has boundless respect and admiration both as an artist and a friend, and as he's talking he gets so overcome realizing the damage he's caused that he just walks away from the camera and sits where the camera can't catch him crying. Rough.
Oh, and aside from watching train wrecks in all their glory, there was also Ninja Burger. Go buy this game. I was so sucked into it that I was dreaming about being a ninja delivering hamburgers last night. You do have to have a functioning brain to play it, but I'm fairly certain that everyone who reads this is covered. Enjoy.
OK, time to wake up the J so I can get some more NYC goodness in before I have to head home. I just wish I had been able to work in some BrewSkeeBall....
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Update
OK, let's see now. Still don't know when I'm taking my final exam, start the law class on Wednesday (oh goodie), it's a 4 day weekend for me and wasn't able to swing a quick trip to visit any of my sisters so I'm about to drive down to NYC and praying I have better luck with ice parking there than I have had here, I've been drinking so much coffee today that I have the shakes but at least I was a relatively respectable drinker last night so I don't have a hangover, um, lemme think, I don't think there's anything else of interest to report (as if the above was particularly interesting in the first place), oh I did get my passport photos today so I just need to mail off my renewal on Monday, and I think that's it. Kind of boring. There's a first in quite some time. =) Although, I am pretty stoked about the passport because as it turns out, I discovered that there are all sorts of last minute flight+hotel deals where I can go to someplace like Paris for the weekend for less than it would cost me to just fly somewhere to visit sisters or friends within the US. Crazy, huh? I'm so taking advantage of that pretty much the day that I get my new passport in the mail. But for this weekend, it's far too quiet. I have to fix that and I'm guessing J-Flava can help me with that.
On the gossip front, it has now made it's way to me via several sources that apparently Chestnut plans to break up with his girlfriend. I love that people like to tell me these things. Really, I do. I also love that the next sentence out of their mouths (except Liz's) is something along the lines of warning me that this does not mean he'll be available for me to date again. Ha. Because that is of course exactly what I was thinking. Actually, what I was thinking is that he's never going to do it. He'll do something to piss her off so she can break up with him or wait for some minor thing that bugs him that he can blow up into a hanging offense. And honestly, I feel bad for her. It's true that no one can stand her, but from the sounds of it their dislike isn't based on her being a "bad" person, just annoying. So, it's going to suck for her, but in my opinion, he needs to go be single for a while. As far as I know, he's only been single for a sum total of maybe a month in the past 10 years - that's not a lot of time alone for someone who is so hell bent on living by his own rules. But, whatever, I don't get to give advice on that front anymore. I'm just sayin', there's a good man inside that jackass somewhere, and maybe some quality alone time will bring him back out to play. And I think everyone would be so grateful for that (well, maybe not us exes, but we're just so damn hard to please).
In other news, I made it through my hell V-Day intact, and was coaxed the rest of the way off the ledge on Thursday by Devon and Liz and the Gilmore Girls. I'm right as rain again. And, I made these killer twice-baked (sorta) potatoes. Which, if you've ever heard me tell my cooking horror stories, you'll know what a feat that was. I have lots of horror stories of my failed attempts at cooking before I finally got the knack of it a few years ago, but baked potatoes have continued to be my nemesis, and I still have nightmares about my attempt at twice-baked potatoes back when David and I lived together. So my yummy ones nearly made me cry with joy. In fact, I'll even give you the recipe:
2 large russet potatoes
6 slices bacon
1 bunch scallions
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
Preheat the broiler. Preheat a medium nonstick skillet.
Pierce potatoes with a fork, rub with a little EVOO and pop in the microwave for 12 minutes (give 'em a flip halfway through).
Chop up bacon and crisp 'em up in a pan. Just before they're crispy, toss in some chopped scallions for about a minute. Put on paper towel lined plate to degreasify.
When potatoes are cool enough to handle with bare hands, cut in half and scoop out insides into a bowl. Mash up the potato guts with the bacon/scallion mixture, a good size glob of sour cream, and a couple handfuls of shredded cheddar.
Fill potato shells with potato mixture, top with a little more of the cheese, and pop 'em in the broiler just until everything is nice and melty.
Serve and enjoy.
Serves 4 in theory. Almost enough for 1 big eater like me. =)
On the gossip front, it has now made it's way to me via several sources that apparently Chestnut plans to break up with his girlfriend. I love that people like to tell me these things. Really, I do. I also love that the next sentence out of their mouths (except Liz's) is something along the lines of warning me that this does not mean he'll be available for me to date again. Ha. Because that is of course exactly what I was thinking. Actually, what I was thinking is that he's never going to do it. He'll do something to piss her off so she can break up with him or wait for some minor thing that bugs him that he can blow up into a hanging offense. And honestly, I feel bad for her. It's true that no one can stand her, but from the sounds of it their dislike isn't based on her being a "bad" person, just annoying. So, it's going to suck for her, but in my opinion, he needs to go be single for a while. As far as I know, he's only been single for a sum total of maybe a month in the past 10 years - that's not a lot of time alone for someone who is so hell bent on living by his own rules. But, whatever, I don't get to give advice on that front anymore. I'm just sayin', there's a good man inside that jackass somewhere, and maybe some quality alone time will bring him back out to play. And I think everyone would be so grateful for that (well, maybe not us exes, but we're just so damn hard to please).
In other news, I made it through my hell V-Day intact, and was coaxed the rest of the way off the ledge on Thursday by Devon and Liz and the Gilmore Girls. I'm right as rain again. And, I made these killer twice-baked (sorta) potatoes. Which, if you've ever heard me tell my cooking horror stories, you'll know what a feat that was. I have lots of horror stories of my failed attempts at cooking before I finally got the knack of it a few years ago, but baked potatoes have continued to be my nemesis, and I still have nightmares about my attempt at twice-baked potatoes back when David and I lived together. So my yummy ones nearly made me cry with joy. In fact, I'll even give you the recipe:
2 large russet potatoes
6 slices bacon
1 bunch scallions
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
Preheat the broiler. Preheat a medium nonstick skillet.
Pierce potatoes with a fork, rub with a little EVOO and pop in the microwave for 12 minutes (give 'em a flip halfway through).
Chop up bacon and crisp 'em up in a pan. Just before they're crispy, toss in some chopped scallions for about a minute. Put on paper towel lined plate to degreasify.
When potatoes are cool enough to handle with bare hands, cut in half and scoop out insides into a bowl. Mash up the potato guts with the bacon/scallion mixture, a good size glob of sour cream, and a couple handfuls of shredded cheddar.
Fill potato shells with potato mixture, top with a little more of the cheese, and pop 'em in the broiler just until everything is nice and melty.
Serve and enjoy.
Serves 4 in theory. Almost enough for 1 big eater like me. =)
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
There goes my night...
Sadly, my class tonight got canceled due to "inclement weather". Lame and a half. It's gross, I'll grant you that, but it's not impossible out there. And considering my mood today, I'm somewhat disappointed that I'm not taking my final right now. But as if I wasn't already feeling sorry enough for myself, I just got a Happy V-Day text message from someone. It would have been cool if it had been from one of my friends or one of my sisters or something just to perk up my spirits again. But no, it's from a psycho stalker who after meeting at a party and going out with once after that somehow got it into his head that we're soulmates or something and apparently is under the impression that my whole "dude, we're not ever going to be a couple" point blank was just my way of flirting. This day can't end soon enough for me.
V-Day
Well, it's that time of year again. Valentine's Day. First time in a lot of years that I've been single for it, and I was actually sort of looking forward to it. But now that we're here, it turns out it's sort of a crappy day. And this morning as I was getting dressed, all I was thinking was that I wanted to wear a sweater so it didn't even register that I had put on my red sweater. Now I have to explain to people that no, I'm not in the spirit, I'm merely supporting Heart Disease Awareness Month.
Last year at this time I came home from work and Johnny had laid out the table with a box of chocolates, a rose, a bottle of really good wine from Chateau Ste. Michelle (my favorite) and a pair of diamond earrings. It was so classy and unexpected I was teary eyed. Then after I made us some dinner, we went out for our semi-traditional viewing of Casablanca over at the Brattle Theater. I remember that as such a beautiful evening with just the two of us. It was our first Valentine's Day living together in our apartment, and we were so happy together back then and so in love with each other (or at least I thought he was).
This year's a little different. My Haglund's is causing a limp (one part bursitis, one part Achilles tendonitis - all because I have ballerina feet), there's a gross Nor'easter sweeping through with needles of sleet, and I have a final exam tonight. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for all of the good things I have going on right now, because I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but I can't help feeling a little melancholy. I admit it, I miss being in love. I miss the old Johnny. I miss the sweet surprises both given and received. I miss there being someone waiting at home for me who will rub my feet and melt my worries away. And damnit I wish I could have it all. But I chose this path on my own. And even if Chestnut hadn't forced me to make the choice in the first place, I would have still chosen it eventually. I had to. It was the right choice to make. But I'm not too proud to admit that there are certain things from my old life that I wish I could have back. If only for one day.
Fuck Valentine's Day.
Last year at this time I came home from work and Johnny had laid out the table with a box of chocolates, a rose, a bottle of really good wine from Chateau Ste. Michelle (my favorite) and a pair of diamond earrings. It was so classy and unexpected I was teary eyed. Then after I made us some dinner, we went out for our semi-traditional viewing of Casablanca over at the Brattle Theater. I remember that as such a beautiful evening with just the two of us. It was our first Valentine's Day living together in our apartment, and we were so happy together back then and so in love with each other (or at least I thought he was).
This year's a little different. My Haglund's is causing a limp (one part bursitis, one part Achilles tendonitis - all because I have ballerina feet), there's a gross Nor'easter sweeping through with needles of sleet, and I have a final exam tonight. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for all of the good things I have going on right now, because I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but I can't help feeling a little melancholy. I admit it, I miss being in love. I miss the old Johnny. I miss the sweet surprises both given and received. I miss there being someone waiting at home for me who will rub my feet and melt my worries away. And damnit I wish I could have it all. But I chose this path on my own. And even if Chestnut hadn't forced me to make the choice in the first place, I would have still chosen it eventually. I had to. It was the right choice to make. But I'm not too proud to admit that there are certain things from my old life that I wish I could have back. If only for one day.
Fuck Valentine's Day.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Aaaaahhhhh!!!
Why?
WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY???
WHY!?!?!
Ugh. I just got back from drinking wine all day at the Boston Wine Expo, so I'm in no condition to expound on the topic, but aaaaaaahhhhh!!! WHY?!?!
WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY???
WHY!?!?!
Ugh. I just got back from drinking wine all day at the Boston Wine Expo, so I'm in no condition to expound on the topic, but aaaaaaahhhhh!!! WHY?!?!
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Fucking cunt
Boy, there's a phrase that'll get your attention, huh? Imagine how much it grabs your attention when you're sitting on the couch next to someone with their laptop open to their MySpace page and you see that phrase with your name attached to it. It's like spotting an LED timer attached to a suspicious package.
OK mister, you really just need to drop it. I did. Took long enough with you continually screwing me over left and right, but that's behind us now, thankfully. Finally. So move on. That's what having a new girlfriend is for. Take advantage of that fact. Maybe when you finally realize that I've never done one damn thing to earn the title "fucking cunt", it'll stop gnawing at you and you can carry on with life. Or maybe you'll finally remember that you were happy when we were together and I was suicidal whereas now I'm positively giddy and you're miserable - you don't get credit for my glee, so how about you stop blaming me for your unhappiness, ok? I sure as hell didn't get any credit for when you were happy before and you'd better believe you weren't going to take any of the blame for me being suicidal even if I had wanted to place it on you.
God. It was one thing when I would do or say things that would get all polluted and twisted so that calling me a bitch would be considered justifiable, but getting all in a fit when I've done nothing is just pathetic. We stopped being right for each other. That's all. Get over it.
OK mister, you really just need to drop it. I did. Took long enough with you continually screwing me over left and right, but that's behind us now, thankfully. Finally. So move on. That's what having a new girlfriend is for. Take advantage of that fact. Maybe when you finally realize that I've never done one damn thing to earn the title "fucking cunt", it'll stop gnawing at you and you can carry on with life. Or maybe you'll finally remember that you were happy when we were together and I was suicidal whereas now I'm positively giddy and you're miserable - you don't get credit for my glee, so how about you stop blaming me for your unhappiness, ok? I sure as hell didn't get any credit for when you were happy before and you'd better believe you weren't going to take any of the blame for me being suicidal even if I had wanted to place it on you.
God. It was one thing when I would do or say things that would get all polluted and twisted so that calling me a bitch would be considered justifiable, but getting all in a fit when I've done nothing is just pathetic. We stopped being right for each other. That's all. Get over it.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Power to the people
Because I have class tonight and will be handing in my final research paper, I decided to read it over one last time just to make sure I am still happy with it. (Yes, I'm at work, and should be doing actual work, but whatever) And, I'm so taken with this company that I wrote my paper on that I just had to share.
See, I found this story about a company, Eskom, in South Africa that supplies most of the power for the whole country. And I'm pretty fascinated by them for two reasons. One, working in a power plant and seeing how things work for a company on the other side of the world is pretty neat. And for two, this is a company that pretty much set the standard for how companies in South Africa should be managed post-apartheid. I mean, this is a government owned power company, operating in a country where it was illegal to hire nonwhites for most jobs and illegal to supply nonwhites with any sort of means to support themselves - like electricity (the thinking being - if you're too young to remember apartheid - was that if they just left them to their own devices, they'd all move back to their "homelands" and leave the fat cat whites in peace). But as far back as the 60's, Eskom basically gave a big ol' finger to the government and started hiring blacks for whites only jobs. A power company. A government owned power company. That's crazy talk. They weren't some little forward thinking left-wing operated software company or anything. No, they were the kind of company that for all intents and purposes should have been banging the drum for following apartheid rule. But, someone got it into their head that they shouldn't and just ran with the idea. Now the Chairman of the Board is a guy who didn't used to even be allowed to use the toilets there because he's black. Now they have the only female station manager in the entire world. Now hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of blacks (who make up 79% of the population) finally have electricity instead of candles and kerosene. I find them amazing. Way to hope and pray that change will come and be a part of making it happen. Good on them.
I just had to share that. =)
See, I found this story about a company, Eskom, in South Africa that supplies most of the power for the whole country. And I'm pretty fascinated by them for two reasons. One, working in a power plant and seeing how things work for a company on the other side of the world is pretty neat. And for two, this is a company that pretty much set the standard for how companies in South Africa should be managed post-apartheid. I mean, this is a government owned power company, operating in a country where it was illegal to hire nonwhites for most jobs and illegal to supply nonwhites with any sort of means to support themselves - like electricity (the thinking being - if you're too young to remember apartheid - was that if they just left them to their own devices, they'd all move back to their "homelands" and leave the fat cat whites in peace). But as far back as the 60's, Eskom basically gave a big ol' finger to the government and started hiring blacks for whites only jobs. A power company. A government owned power company. That's crazy talk. They weren't some little forward thinking left-wing operated software company or anything. No, they were the kind of company that for all intents and purposes should have been banging the drum for following apartheid rule. But, someone got it into their head that they shouldn't and just ran with the idea. Now the Chairman of the Board is a guy who didn't used to even be allowed to use the toilets there because he's black. Now they have the only female station manager in the entire world. Now hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of blacks (who make up 79% of the population) finally have electricity instead of candles and kerosene. I find them amazing. Way to hope and pray that change will come and be a part of making it happen. Good on them.
I just had to share that. =)
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Last period dotted and done!
I just finished my final research paper for this class! I'm so pleased! I also finished all of the reading material last Friday! Wahoo!! That means that for the next two weeks, all I have to do is show up and also study for the final exam. But I think with short review checks every day between now and then and then one final cram session at the end, I'll be fine. Just fine.
Man, I totally just felt my whole body just loosen up like I'd just popped a vicodin or something. I had no idea how much this class had me wound up. =)
Man, I totally just felt my whole body just loosen up like I'd just popped a vicodin or something. I had no idea how much this class had me wound up. =)
Monday, February 5, 2007
You like me! You really like me!
In the span of just a couple of days this last weekend, I got a chance to see and hang out at least briefly with two old friends who I haven't seen since the breakup. And I have to say, I am so glad I got those chances. Chestnut had tried to convince me that all of his friends actually hated me and that was part of his logic for leaving in the first place (apparently that logic doesn't apply to his new girlfriend who from the sounds of it is pretty unanimously despised). And not hearing from them for all this time, sort of made me wonder if that had really been true. Turns out it's not. And that makes me so happy! I had been so much more upset over the lost friends than over anything else that happened in the breakup. And, yeah, they all have this weird pack loyalty, so I doubt they'll ever call wanting to get together or anything. But, it's nice to know that if I bump into them in my travels, they're not going to go running the other direction. =)
I have warm fuzzies!
I have warm fuzzies!
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Friday, February 2, 2007
Goal check
OK, I set myself a goal at the end of '06 to be productive with all of my time. Not more productive, rather always productive. Make every moment that I'm awake count for something. So, we're now past the first month of the year, and I wanted to take a look back and decide if I've been meeting that goal or if I've just been keeping busy. Also wanted to determine if this was really a realistic goal and whether or not I needed to modify it at all before I get too committed to it. The answers are yes, yes, and not particularly.
Even my down time, what little there is of it, is filled with little purposes. The couple of times a week that I get to just sit down and watch some boob tube, I'm still working on something - usually knitting something for myself or someone else, or catching up on emails with people. But the rest of my time is chock full of goodness. On the bus to and from work, I'm reading my textbook (or WSJ that I hate reading) for my NEU class. At work, I'm kept so busy I can't figure out how I was ever able to get away with just hanging out on MySpace all day long. On my breaks at work, I'm working on my stand-up assignments - reading my comedy books or writing my material. After work I have class 2 out of 5 nights, and the other nights I'm doing my notes for one or the other. And on the weekends, I'm writing research papers, writing comedy material, running errands, and if I'm really really lucky (which I haven't been in weeks) getting cleaning done around the house. I'd have more time for things like cleaning (and eating) if it wasn't for the need to spend time with friends. But losing out on time with them would make the rest of it completely worthless. So, I figure going out for drinks (or trivia, or bowling, or brunch, or whatever) is just as productive as the rest of it. Gotta keep my sanity, right?
So all in all, I think my goal was a good one, and I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job of it. The only question now is: what in the hell am I going to do with all my free time when I'm in Australia and Japan for 3 weeks this summer? Crap. I sort of asked that question just being silly, but thinking about it, that could be problematic. I'll probably get so bored with all of the rest and relaxation that I'll come back with several full novels written. =)
Even my down time, what little there is of it, is filled with little purposes. The couple of times a week that I get to just sit down and watch some boob tube, I'm still working on something - usually knitting something for myself or someone else, or catching up on emails with people. But the rest of my time is chock full of goodness. On the bus to and from work, I'm reading my textbook (or WSJ that I hate reading) for my NEU class. At work, I'm kept so busy I can't figure out how I was ever able to get away with just hanging out on MySpace all day long. On my breaks at work, I'm working on my stand-up assignments - reading my comedy books or writing my material. After work I have class 2 out of 5 nights, and the other nights I'm doing my notes for one or the other. And on the weekends, I'm writing research papers, writing comedy material, running errands, and if I'm really really lucky (which I haven't been in weeks) getting cleaning done around the house. I'd have more time for things like cleaning (and eating) if it wasn't for the need to spend time with friends. But losing out on time with them would make the rest of it completely worthless. So, I figure going out for drinks (or trivia, or bowling, or brunch, or whatever) is just as productive as the rest of it. Gotta keep my sanity, right?
So all in all, I think my goal was a good one, and I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job of it. The only question now is: what in the hell am I going to do with all my free time when I'm in Australia and Japan for 3 weeks this summer? Crap. I sort of asked that question just being silly, but thinking about it, that could be problematic. I'll probably get so bored with all of the rest and relaxation that I'll come back with several full novels written. =)
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